Chapter Thirteen - Unsolvable

12/14/19 - From the very beginning I have been a problem solver.  As early as first grade, I was given a place in the corner of the classroom where I could work quietly on learning arithmetic at a much more advanced pace than the other students.  This eventually led to my college majors in mathematics and physics.  But as much as I relished studying and solving math equations and scientific questions, I was too much in need of regular human interaction to contemplate a life in the lab.  So midway through college I switched gears and decided to apply my problem solving talent to a life in the law.  Even my hobbies, woodworking and furniture building, for example, involve identifying a desired function (most often provided by Penny) and solving the problem of how to build it.  Challenge followed by solution.  It has made for a very happy life.  Until now.  When Penny was diagnosed with cancer, of course, we had to look to the doctors for solutions.  When we learned that there were none, the next challenge was to extend her life at least to our son's wedding.  That challenge could not be solved either.  Since her death, the remaining challenge for me, the biggest of all of those in my life, has been find a happy and fulfilling life without her.  So far it has been a challenge that, even left entirely to my own skill, devices and determination, I have been unsuccessful in solving.  It is still too soon, you might say.  But my heart tells me that the hole is so large and deep that it defies the application of reason or logic to fashion an escape.  No matter how long or how much I cry, devise, plan, plead or pray, I know I will forever be without her.  In a life filled with successes, this is a devastating defeat.